Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
