We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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