I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
