How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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