i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's shark week go big or go home
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
