im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
