I like my sex mixed with concussions.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
