ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
