My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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