please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
