Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I hate all girls vehemently.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
