Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
