I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
