my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
