I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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