had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
