she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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