Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
