I'm gonna have a badass scar
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
