dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
