I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
