I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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