is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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