Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
