the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
