I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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