Cold hands, warm shart.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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