I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Michael Bay diarrhea
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize