I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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