Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
