I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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