when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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