So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
