If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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