you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize