onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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