phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
