he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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