I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
