I wanna bring you to show and tell
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
