Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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