Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
