Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
