I wish I could teleport
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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