Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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