first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
