There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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