Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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