Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
