her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
