yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize