he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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