Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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