Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
