Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
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