i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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