Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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