So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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