Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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