I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
