I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
