If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
