Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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