I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
