apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
