She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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