Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
