Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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