those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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