I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
