so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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