there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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