Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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