I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
