in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize