why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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