im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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