The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
