new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
