His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
