A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize