Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
