I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
