I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
