I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
