I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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