I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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