that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize