I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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