im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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