he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
