dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
