I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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