was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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