So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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