I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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