Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
