apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
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Do I have a choice?
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There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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