I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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