This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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