I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
